You know… I’m just so freaking angry! I’m angry with him all over again. I look at pictures of us when we were still new and I think of how much I loved him. I think of how happy we were and how I felt like I had finally found “the one”. The one person I could work through things with, the one person whom I could build a future with, feel secure with, feel wanted and loved with but he squandered that love.

For 5 years I told him I needed more. For 5 years I told him I was unhappy. For 5 years I told him that I’d happily do with less money to have more of him. I feel betrayed. I gave him all of me with out reservation. I promised him the rest of my life and he neglected me.

As much as I’d love to kiss and make up it’s just not in me, H or no H. There is just too much water under the bridge, too many years of resentment and feeling like I was the only one trying. It’s all just a day late and a dollar short.

Where does being a lesbian fit with this? I’m not sure but I honestly feel like if he had stepped up and we had worked on it I wouldn’t be where I am right now. My guess is that I would have stayed in a wonderfully emotionally fulfilling relationship that was sexually unfulfilling. I suppose I would have stayed only to wake up one day and regret it… or maybe not. I don’t know. I suppose it doesn’t matter.

Who knows maybe I should even be thanking him for neglecting me, breaking his promise and hurting me.