Staying in the house in the mean time was a baaad idea. I feel very manipulated…he calls it making an effort to reconnect. Suddenly he’s all affectionate and touchy feely … like I’m supposed be all thrilled after he’s starved me for so many years and out right ignored my pleas. I’m finding it manipulative and passive aggressive because I feel like its stealing my right to be angry and hurt because of his negligence. Like he’s suddenly so nice that I’m supposed to pony up to the same level. I’m just soooo frigging angry!!

I wish he would quit touching me. It always feels like he take liberties with my body. He can’t just give me a hug, a nice platonic hug. What being platonic was good enough for the past 7 years…wtf?

We spoke to a marriage C last night on the phone. She does Imago therapy… sounds too touchy feely to me. I am so angry and hurt right now that I’m not at all open to having quiet structured conversations.

You know, I don’t really know if I even want to try to save it. I really don’t. I told him I wouldn’t slam doors and that I was still open to therapy. But there is a big part of me that feels like its just too late.

I AM JUST SO FUCKING ANGRY