I’ve been gone for so long I’m certain I don’t have one reader left. This is understandable. I’ve been gone for so very long but I do believe I may be back.

Much has happened since I last wrote with any regularity. Most notably I’ve decided to move out of my marital home. We are going to go to counseling while I live elsewhere for the next year but honestly? I’m not certain I want it to work… however, nor am I certain that I don’t want it to. So we try.

The move has many reasons; my dissolving marriage, my confused sexuality and lastly but perhaps most importantly is the fact that I’ve never had a place of my own for any length of time. My life has always been about others and I’ve always lived with others. I’m finding myself wanting to be alone, to come home to an empty house, to have no one to answer to but myself. I want to be able to eat a god damn bowl of cereal for dinner if I want!

In the weeks I’ve been gone my sweet and lovely Maria flaked out on me. Oh well… I sound so laissez faire. The truth is I was crushed. But I chose to use it to spur me on instead of curl up in a little ball. I put myself on a lesbian/bisexual singles site. It’s been interesting.

What I have discovered is what I already knew, that most lesbians don’t care for me and I don’t care for them. But that is not the same thing as not caring for women. Now is it? I did manage to find a sweet woman who is a typical. She is quick to smile and laugh, and completely sexual and unafraid of it. I think we will have great fun of all sorts but its been put on hold until I am in my own place.

And what of Maitre? He is ever present in my life. He grounds me while pushing me out of the nest to test my wings. I believe that, though Maria created some distance she also brought us closer together in the end. We both learned that I can love elsewhere but will want to come home to him. He is both my safe harbor and my razor’s edge, my best friend and my Dom. His beatings and his nurturing both add to my life in a way its never been added to before. He is singular and I don’t know what I will do if things go well in counseling with my husband and I need to chose between the two. But I’ll worry about that when I get there.

At any rate, I have stirred the pot that is my life and we shall see what I have cooked up!