I haven’t seen him on a regular basis in weeks…. no maybe it’s months now.  I hate this. I don’t know if I can do this much longer.  

Every time she is faced with the cold reality that this is an affair and that she shares me with him we argue. We have done a great deal of damage to a young relationship. I don’t know if I can do this any more.

Yet if I give them up I lose a great deal. Beyond what each brings to me in their individuality I also lose affection, connection, something to look forward to….you know, the padding that makes life more than just drudgery.

Maybe I’m looking for life to be something it is not. Maybe life is just drudgery and pain. Maybe joy and love are only illusions. Are there people who are really happy out there? I mean, in their private moments, behind closed doors, with the lights off, all alone, are they really happy?  Does happiness really exist? Or is it propaganda? 

One hundred years ago people knew the truth. You toiled all your life and then you died. One hundred years ago life was nothing but drudgery and people accepted it. Now though, we seem to have  a sense of entitlement about happiness. How many times have you heard some say "I/you/they are entitled to be happy".  Well, are we really? 

Maybe we are just setting ourselves up for anger, pain, and disappointment when we look to be happy, feel loved and needed.