I’ve been negligent on my posting. I suppose not a great deal has been going on. I have more health issues looming…gee…what fun!  I’ve been busy at work. Though the job I have been waiting for was created finally so I stuck my application in for that, now I’m waiting…waiting…waiting… I seem to be doing a lot of waiting these days. 

Maitre has been almost completely unavailable lately. His absence feels like this huge yawning chasm. Unfortunately, I don’t deal well with huge yawning chasms… they scare me. I start wondering if it will ever be steady and reliable again. I wonder if I will ever be able to count on it again. I can wait patiently when I have to but I need an end in sight. I need to know when my waiting will be filled. This seems to stretch on and on indefinitely. I hate it. I suppose I should look at it as an act of submission and just try to sink into it as such. But all it feels like is an act of emptiness where he once was…and he filled an awful big space.