Sometimes lies are merciful. Sometimes it is the right thing to do.

My dead lover’s wife (they were good friends) asked me point blank if I had slept with her husband. So, because I love and respect her…which I do… I told her the truth. I shouldn’t have. I should have lied.

Now I have lost both of them. Or more precisely I may have lost both. Her last communication to me was “if or when” she is ready to talk again.

You know, I understand her hurt and I understand her anger. What I don’t understand is not wanting to get ever little bit of information to help wrap her head around it, figure out the why and wherefore of it.

The truth is both our marriages were completely asexual, hers had been for years. Yet just to be his friend you would immediately know he was immensely physical and most probably had a huge sexuality to go along with it. Did she think he would forever be a neuter?

I’m really sorry if he never tried to make it work with her and I’m really sorry that they never talked about it. God only knows I tried with my spouse. I talked, I cried, I yelled. I told him I would rather be alone than lonely in my marriage. I rather have no sex than be a neuter inside of my relationship with him. If he finds out it should come as no surprise to him. I’ve ranted and raved, talked and cajoled… I got squat. I don’t think he ever tried to make it better with her and that makes me incredibly sad.

I don’t know maybe that is much of what she is struggling with, that she knew the marriage was broken (her words, she does know), that she tried to get him to do something about it, but instead he chose to go elsewhere. But she is also the one who told me that she never felt slighted and that he always put her first. Of course he did, he loved her completely. But folks sex is like eating… it’s a basic biological function and he had a huge appetite for life, all of life.

I just wish I had lied.