Today is one of those days that I could step in front of a truck or swallow the business end of a gun (and yes, sadly I know to point it up not back).

 

No worries, I won’t. The thing that always stops me is how immensely unfair it is to the people who have to clean up the mess, the poor truck driver and my family.  Sticking around for another day is not one of the things that stops me…though it did as a kid, when things were actually much worse. But as a kid you have your whole life in front of you filled with nothing but potential (both good and bad).  From where I stand half way through all I can see is the down hill slide sometimes.

 

I’m just so very tired. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of feeling twisted. Tired of pain from the torque on my spine and ribcage. I’m tired of the hissing in my ears.

  

I’m  tired of being lonely in my marriage. And I’m tired of looking at Maitre, how good we are together and waiting for it to fall apart… because doesn’t it always?

 

I’m tired of life’s disappointments and pain…

 

Ultimately… I’m just tired, bone achingly tired and there is no refuge from it at home. The dogs won’t give me a break, the husband acts put out… I’m tired and I want to get off this ride.

 

Note to Maitre:  Your timing couldn’t have been any better had you done it on purpose. Thanks. I feel better.