Jealousy is a terrible thing.  It can eat at one and rip an otherwise sound relationships apart. It is wholly irrational.

 

It is generally based on ones own insecurities and poor self image (physical or emotional). Where it isn’t based on ones insecurities, but rather is based on the actions of ones partner instead, it is just as irrational because any partner that would genuinely act in such a way as to encourage jealousy is not worth being jealous over!

 

I was jealous today. I was jealous without reason and without cause. Implied in that jealousy was doubt in my Maitre. How could I have doubted a man who has done nothing but bend over backwards to make me feel loved and secure, has listened to my every insecurity and has welcomed my grief for another with a kind and gentle heart. He has worked hard to earn my respect and trust… yet I persist in keeping back bits and pieces of that trust.

 

A friend, whom I am so very thankful to have made through this blog, also pointed out the obvious to me. There are many, many submissives out in the world who are searching for a competent Dominant. I am lucky enough to not have simply found one who is competent but one who engages both his heart and his mind. Not only am I lucky enough to have found him but We are lucky enough to have something special that really works. I am not the only submissive out there, just as he is not the only Dominant. We both searched and turned away others because they were not the right fit.

 

We all have our fears. We all have our demons. But I feel like I have worked long and hard to conquer this one yet it persists.

 

Upon further thought, I’m not so sure I was jealous as I was insecure, convinced that I’m not good enough… it echo’s in my head.