You know, the damn shits addictive. The more I get the more I want.  If I think I remotely have a chance of even a little bit of a fix and it falls through I sulk.

I am of course talking about play and specifically play with Maitre. It’s a multi dimensional fix. Sure, it’s the physical rush. It’s the sweet high of the endorphins. It’s that sublime meditative state I reach with hard impact play. God I love a good beating! I love the pain, the sharpness of it,  how it screams at you for your attention not to be ignored. I also love the headspace. I love a good mind-fuck. I adore digging deep inside me to take more to please him. And yes, subspace is groovy.

But what I really love? What trips my trigger more than any of these? Is what it takes to really make these thing deeply and satisfyingly possible…connection, not just a connection in passing but a deep one. The type of connection that yields an intuitive understanding of one another that resonates deep inside somewhere. The kind of connection that lets you feel their chi running under their skin. One where you feel the little changes in muscle tension doing something as simple as holding their hand, and you know their mindset has changed even if outward behavior hasn’t. It is this type of connection that makes it possible to take the rest to sublime heights, the headspace, the physical rush, all of it is magnified ten fold for me when THAT connection is there.

Oh don’t get me wrong, beat me, whip me, make me write bad checks…but connect to me when you do it.  Maitre told me after a recent bit of play that he almost came while smacking me repeatedly – damn it was hot. What was even hotter was finding out that it turned him on so much, that he could go down that road, that he could indulge in smacking hard across the face repeatedly and enjoy it without reservation or moral qualms.  He could do it because we read each other like a book. My every facial expression, every change in my breathing, his eye and how they change, the way he holds me to him…. all of it weaves us together, making us both strong and beautiful. The whole more than the sum of its parts.