Yesterday I posted a rather oblique post about being upset with him and wanting to spew venom. What I didn’t provide was the back story about a very sick and needy sub wanting a little of her Daddy’s TLC.

I found my self in the emergency room in the wee hours the other morning, in a great deal of pain. They pumped me full of morphine (bleh, hate the stuff), sent me of to be scanned, and then put an IV of antibiotics in me. Luckily they sent me home, instead of keeping me, with a script for a super antibiotic, oxycodone and strict instructions to stay on a fluid diet for the next few days.

Since then I have discovered that I like oxycodone about as much as I like morphine. I don’t. They both make me sick as a dog and an “adult dose” is waaaaay to much for little old me. I also discovered what a whiny, needy little sub I can be.

All those posts I didn’t post yesterday? All having to do with his not being able to come see me or reach out to me. Just me stamping my little foot because I don’t like what life is dishing out. Instead of being clear headed and knowing that if he could be with me he would be with me, I was foggy and demanding.

Now, I will cut myself a break here. The fog was illness and drug induced but I should still know better. I know his life doesn’t change just because my level of need changes but it seems that when I’m seriously under the weather my commonsense leaves me. Instead of knowing and trusting his love for me, my mind goes to thoughts of abandonment when I have no reason for it to go there. I am supposing that my mind going back to old reflexes is a function of just being low on energy and resources in general.

This morning shines brand spanking (I wish) new and my energy level and my mind set are better…now if we could just get my colon to cooperate!