I’m not sure where to start with this.

 

I have a dear friend that I have known for almost a year now. She and I have what Maitre calls a quietly flirtatious relationship. There is a sexual energy there that we don’t act on… well, I did get a sweet little kiss once.

 

I have teased on and off with joining us. He and I have discussed it. Well, this week the wheels have finally been put in motion. Now I find myself thinking about potentialities.

 

Now I know she would not nor could not replace me. I know he loves me and I know I have a very specially place in his heart. I know that what we crave fits exceptionally well and our souls fit exceptionally well together. As he would say we “get” each other.  But I am no fool. I know that you can love one person for who they are and love another for who they are. I know that just because I have this special place in him, that there is not a place for her as well.

 

So now I find myself wondering…what if. What if they became close, what if a bond formed, what if he asked me to accept her as my “sister”. The answer is I don’t know.

 

He is not hugely poly but does find the idea to have a certain attraction. I don’t think there is an overwhelming probability of this happening. He wishes he had more time to be with me. I doubt he’d want to divide what time he has between two.

 

But being who I am I have to think about it. The truth is that although my initial reaction is no, I don’t want to share him on that level, my desire to please him is very real and very deep. Once again, shades of Pygar’s last post. Would my desire to please him and serve him override my natural inclination?  Would I put him first even over my own emotional wellbeing? I believe my submission to him is far deeper than he has really tapped or maybe even realizes. Sometimes I wonder if it is so deep and my trust in him so thorough that I might at some point fail to take care of myself in this.

 

I am sure this is all hypothetical but I believe that asking myself these questions is important. I want to know who I am. And, should the future hold this possibility, I won’t be a stranger to what my soul holds.