Yesterday I acknowledged that my relationship with Maitre is finite.  Eidyia post “when things expire”  Picked up the thread and used it as a jumping off point, which in turn got me thinking (a vicious feedback loop no? lol)

 

She spoke about how it then becomes “along for the ride”, “live for the day” philosophy, which marks the relationship. I agree but think that in some respects this is freeing. When you have no expectations of “forever” then you are more true to who you are, you are more willing to take risks in the moment and less likely to walk on eggshells.

 

I personally think that these are poisonous to a relationship. When you start guarding your thoughts and when you are scared to be bold in what you say and do, I think a relationship starts to become stale. Rephrased, I think staleness in a relationship is in no small part the result of wanting to keep it safely cocooned and protected. In an effort to keep it safe it dies…or, like the bound feet a Chinese woman 100 years ago it, becomes grossly deformed.

 

While protecting something is tempting, hell almost reflexive, we don’t do ourselves any favors. Children who grow up over protected never grow and learn to handle risks and mistakes. All living things need to be challenged and grow, they need to fall down “go boom”, they need to flex their muscles and also find their boundaries. Relationships are growing living entities made up of two growing living individuals (or more if your poly). Relationships need to grow, change, be challenged, struggle and learn, just as the individuals in them need to do so.

 

To bring this full circle… in a relationship you know is finite you plunge headlong into the unknown and let “the chips fall where they may”.  After all, you have nothing to lose, it is already gone.  To be brave enough to do that with someone you want to cling to…THAT is the challenge.

 

So…yesterday I spoke about how my relationship with Maitre is finite, last night he wrote me:

 

Finite…. I hope not. Would I want to continue on as we are forever?…No. Could I see us as the old couple holding hands in the park?…Certainly, if things shake out. But there are lots of variables and we both know that.

  

So now we have given the beast a name. That name is “Future”….  Can we still be as bold and honest as we have been? I plan on it.

 

I suppose I have just gotten to the point in my life were I would rather risk losing him than quell who we are as individuals in order to create a mold for us remain together.

This does not imply being cruel or inconsiderate. Instead it suggests lovingly laying it all on the line, compassionately handing it all over…all of it, fun and not so fun…and seeing what happens.