You know I think the next time he goes away for an extended period of time I’m going to ask him if he has a Dom friend under whose care he can put me. Not sexually, just that firm hand.  Why? I’ve been looking at some of what I’ve written and some of my interactions and I realize that they all have one thing in common…wanting a firm hand.       

I thought about my considering to break my rules and have J service me (see previous post).  When I followed the idea through to its ramifications and searched my heart I found that it was not just about contact and gratification. It was probably more about wanting to get a response out of him and wanting to be reined back in. I could undoubtedly argue very convincingly that I ought to have free rein with my sub, just as he has with his, but when I thought about it that wasn’t what I wanted. I simply wanted to feel his dominance, to be told no, to be punished to … well you get the idea.  

Then SirJohnDoe posted a comment to my previous and I found that although I wasn’t looking for his response, it felt good. It’s not anything in particular but I know it’s said by a Dom and I can imagine the chi behind it. It felt good.

And finally… I find myself being just a bit of a brat in my comments on another Dom blog.

All of these are attention and all of these are attention of Dominants.

True if I didn’t have Maitre in my life I would be fine. I’m completely capable of self direction. But OH! I so prefer to have that dominant male chi and when it’s gone I find that I crave it.