I think for many the “D” and the “s” in the D/s is physical. It’s either in their physical play or manifest in tasks and rituals. I think that is less true for me. Don’t get me wrong, I adore our physical play. A good beating gets me very wet. BUT… those moments of deepest submission, the highest I’ve ever flown? Have been emotional.

 

I remember the first time he asked me if I loved him. We were playing and I was out there. It was meant to be difficult and it was. I am not one to say something just to appease or for the sake of play. So I struggled for a moment, I searched my heart and I told him… “Yes, I love you.”… the effect on me was like nothing I had ever felt before. As the words came tumbling out of my mouth, my consciousness went spinning after them.

 

When my feelings for him are deeply submissive, the gestures I think of all have psychological and emotional implications far beyond that of a good beating. I think of sitting at his feet, I think of the challenge of doing something for him that I really do not care to do, I think of literally being under his heel.

 

And then the other day I thought of something, that felt so real and so visceral, whose archetypal implications are truly submissive beyond question. Saturday in the shower, without his bidding I knelt and kissed each foot gently once. 

 

When I feel this way, not matter if I’m with him or not, my heart swells and longs him, and my eyes moisten.  So yesterday, when he slipped his collar on,  my heart felt quiet and settled. I felt like I had come home.

 

My point? That such a simple symbol could have such an affect.