…that I need you and you are beyond reach… ok…maybe it’s more like I really really really wish I could be with you right now.


I don’t mean to make you feel bad. Just processing I guess. You are so supportive and so loving within the parameters of our relationship. Parameters that are not flexible or porous. Our parameters are exercises in acceptance unto themselves.


Have you noticed that the ways in which I need you area always emotional, never instrumental? I don’t need your help to get things accomplished. I’m quite self-sufficient in that manner. I just need your support, your arms, your empathy and your love. There is nothing you can do, there is nothing to do. It would just feel good to be with you.


I already emailed you all of this. So why put it in the blog? For a matter of public record? To put something that is important to me somewhere where it won’t get buried by the little unimportant electronic mutterings of email?  Maybe both, I don’t know. I feel so defeated right now. The person (DH) who is suppose to be my support network is about as support as limp noodle sometimes… and it always drags me down, deeply, deeply down.


I had intended to write about yesterday some, about the emotional impact of it, about how it felt….but for now I’m too upset and sad. Maybe I’ll be in a better place later to post about it.  How the hell do people have long distance D/s relationships? How do they have any sort of long distance relationship for that matter?  I can barely do it the way we are.

Hmmm…. I really had intended to just keep this blog about kink, power exchange and the like… how did my everyday life creep in here?