You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones you’ve never confessed to anyone. The ones that make you cringe to even admit to yourself. (I’m assuming I’m not the only pervert out there with one of those).

Well, I found myself thinking about it today… and of course thinking led to fantasizing. Once I was done with that I found myself wondering what the fuck it would make me take to confess it.

I find that my limits have changed so much with him already. A year ago needles would have been a hard limit. A couple of months ago when he brought the subject up, it was still pretty out there bordering on hard, but I was willing to talk about it and had questions.  Today, when I was searching myself, I realized that needles would be a struggle, the would be edgy and scary for me, but that they are no longer a rock solid hard limit.

When kinksters talk about limits it’s almost always a discussion of physical play, with some psychological elements like humiliation thrown in. But doesn’t the idea apply equally as well to pieces of yourself, pieces that you don’t really consider “up for play”.

I have a set of kinks that aren’t nearly that bad but I would still be hard pressed to vocalize. They just feel like a boundary, a limit. It’s funny because I’m not really a sexually shy person but for whatever reason (their taboo nature I suspose) I just don’t vocalize them. They are out there on my check list for Maitre and others to see, but to say that I find X or Y hot, that I masturbate to the thought or the actions if I can manage it?… nope can’t do it, can’t seem to make it come out of my mouth.

I’ve been lucky in that Maitre has been kind about that and not pushed it. I really appreciate that more than he knows. All the same I know one day he’ll get a wild hair and push me for the information. A couple of months ago? I would have set my jaw but now? It would be a huge struggle between my desire to submit to  him and my difficulty in vocalizing these things.

I would be hard pressed to NOT yield many of my limits to him. I guess what this post is really about is the challenge of yielding. It’s about how I both dread and long to be pushed to yeiled part of myself and how each time I am, and do, I feel that much safer.

And no Maitre, this is not an invitation… just rumination.