Why is it that I always seem to have something to write about when I don’t really have the time? So what am I going to do? Write anyway.

 

I was thinking on our morning walk how I have generally had two sorts of men in my life; ones who would take advantage of my desire to please and to defer. In short my submissive nature. And those who don’t know what to do with it either because they are service oriented themselves or just plain old flat vanilla.

 

With Maitre, for the first time in my life I feel it fall into place. It is a lovely feeling. The feeling of knowing I can give of myself, or simply just let him lead, and know that it will be appreciated and more importantly NOT taken advantage of.

 

I know Maitre won’t use me as a doormat and I know he is comfortable leading. I know he will take me into consideration and even take into account that it is my nature to defer. He appreciates the strong self confident woman that resides in me as well. She’s not seen as an impediment any more than the submissive as seen as a doormat. I feel balanced in this relationship. It is a real joy and perhaps most interestingly and really most importantly I feel relaxed in this relationship.

 

Twice now I have found that what my heart, my nature longs for is truly out there. All the years of being taken advantage of, all those years of struggling and being unhappy because I had to lead….it feels so good to know I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t dysfunctional, I wasn’t some how deficient or incompetent….it feels so good to know that there are those who do compliment my nature, for whom that fills their soul.