I had so much going through my head this weekend that I was going to write about but for now I want to write about paranoia.

Its begun. I’m hoping that I can put it to bed quickly. But nonetheless ist begun.

Ever since exfn, I cannot become emotionally attached witout becoming paranoid about being charmed into a false sense of security.

I’ve come to care for Maitre. I miss him when he’s not around. I look forward to the little things that are specific to him. My heart jumps when I see an email from him. In short I have become attached. Snd with that attachment has come that now all to familiar reflexive worry.

He has done nothing but be sweet, kind and respectful. So why do I find myself looking in the shadows for things that would warn me off?

Today I asked a friend if there was anthing that I have shared that made her concerned. Today I found myself thinking that this is almost too good to be true. We all know that rule of thumb…if something seems to be too good to be true then it generally is.

But the truth is there is nothing in his behavior that is a warning to me. No self righteous talk, no woe is me, no disproportionate possessiveness, no distrust. None of that. So why? Why do I have to look? Why can’t I simply sit back and enjoy? He has been so very good to me, asked nothing of me. Why can’t I just take him for the sweet person he is?

Why do I have to go and try and ruin everything?